How to have a successful relationship with a Filipina?

This question was posted in a popular expat Facebook Group and gained a lot of traction:

How do you guys successfully keep a relationship alive with someone from the Philippines? I’m feeling a little down at the moment. This is the third girl that I’ve met, spent good time with in the Philippines and everything felt good, just to have it decline and end when I get home to Europe after some time.

With all of the girls, we’ve had shared goals of a future together. Usually with the ultimate goal of getting her to my home country in Europe.

But, it always end badly. It’s just not the same thing chatting with someone on messenger, and this last girl actually showed no interest of upholding anything with me during LDR. Actually she just dumped me..

I have been particularly restrictive with her regarding money. I’ve almost not send any money to her at all. But she hasn’t asked for it either. So I’m not sure if this is the reason. Our relationship felt much more real than that.

It was clear that after our great time together in the Philippines, when I returned home, she waited me out to contact her, she didn’t bother really. More than short messages.

Is the only way to truly meet someone, to stay a longer time in the Philippines?

Anon

For those of us who have lived in the Philippines for a while it is often easy to forget that many others are not so ‘savvy’ and can easily become disillusioned with cultural differences and/or predatory person(s) whom are out for material benefit.

The most popular advice given by an long-time expats in the Group was:

1.

“Generally speaking stay away from Filipinas that have never left the province for most likely they will be dirt poor and so will their parents be, meaning needing external financial support from you if you marry their daughter, so select from the educated ones with a college degree. You will have a better chance of not marrying into poverty but there is still no guarantee! Filipinas have a tendency to gravitate toward and marry the older retired foreigners (but not always) because they come and stay! Normally speaking the foreigners have a steady pension which means financial security! 

At the end of the day it’s all about economics and financial security. Your success may also depend on how you are finding your Filipina connections! I (still married after 29 years) am an old fashioned kind of guy and personally do not believe in online dating. There will be guys out there where it has worked just fine and that’s OK but not for me “NO WAY!” I am a firm believer in boots on the ground from the beginning. It will also depend on where you are looking for your connections. With all due respect stay away from the areas that have the bar scene where they have entertainers for that is NOT the place to be looking for a connection!

In all fairness in my younger years I have spent allot of money in the “pay for play” scene and it’s not the place to be looking for marriage material, for they have had multiple partners and fast money! With boots on the ground (and time!) you can find Filipinas working EVERY WHERE! Filipinas are very very approachable anywhere and everywhere. It does not take a clever or witty pick up line to meet them, for it just takes your confidence, being kind, and respectful! Be creative and look around in any business where you have direct contact with them such as the shopping malls, grocery stores, banks, hospitals, business centers, dental offices, restaurants, hotels, open air markets and college just to name a few. 

You can locate a tourist guide service and hire a Filipina to take you around the area where you are staying. The bottom line is they are out there by the hundreds of thousands waiting for you to discover that special one so at the end of the day it is up to you to find her! I hope this helps and GOOD LUCK!”

2.

“Filipinas need and want ATTENTION. They are on many dating sites and Facebook dating groups and only respond to the man giving them attention today. Also if you really want her attention you need to support her financially. Only then will she be “all in.” Just the realities of dating a Filipina woman.”

3.

“I’ve always been pretty quick to actually come to the Philippines and meet them in real life, which seems to be in contrary of how it usually goes, with people first spending a lot of time talking online before actually meeting. This because I start to search shortly before I travel.

Maybe it’s better to build something overtime online first, to see if we can actually keep the interest alive, because as i mentioned, it has died when we move onto LDR now. It’s like we start in the opposite direction.”

4.

“Just be friends with them and say your only friends. You will find a girl who still chats you over time then can make it work.”

5.

“Thousands, if not millions, of westerners & other nationalities are and have been happily married with a Filipina/Filipino, built a family together with wonderful children and still going strong! Failed relationships happens everywhere you go, even those already living together, that’s why you have divorce laws. Live your single life to the fullest…. relationships come & go….. Don’t waste time looking for one. The right person will come at the right time.”

6.

“Just a suggestion, but maybe look at girls who have a degree in something. A educated girl with a job usually keeps busy with work and usually tends to stay away from drama since they have less time for it. That was something I was specifically looking for. Also I would stay away from online dating, come here and spend a few weeks or months if you can. No need for crazy pick up lines just be yourself and things will work out just fine.”

7.

“LDR relationships are extremely difficult. But there are some that work out great. You have to be open and honest on day one that you are looking for a Filpina wife to live in your country. If she is not interested in moving to your country then move on and don’t waste any time chatting.

You are right by not sending money to someone who you have not met in person.

My personal experience dating in the Philippines for 6 years is that most of the Filipina’s want to live in the Philippines near their family. However, there are some who want to leave the Philippines and build a new life overseas.

Just keep trying. Date in Asia is a decent website. Also Filipino Cupid as well. Do a video call and watch out for scammers telling you all about their financial problems. If you meet the right Filpina then all of your effort will be worth it. The right Filpina will make an awesome partner.”

Summary

There are several active Forums and Facebook Groups with some very constructive advice about living in the Philippines. Of course everyone is entitled to their own opinion and you have to wade-through all the ‘Troll Comments’, but they are useful.

As far as relationships between foreigners and Filipinos go, there’s no rush for you to settle down. Also, ask yourself if he/she really is “the one” before committing to the relationship. Additionally, do NOT promise them the Earth if your intentions are not sincere – That’s just being cruel, and it might come back to bite you!

Golden Rule?

A Fool and his money are soon parted!

NakedExpat