Most people think of narcissism as a personality disorder.
Psychologists use the term that way too, but there’s another conversation worth having. One about the culture we’ve all lived in for decades and the subtle ways it shapes how we measure success, happiness and self-worth.
After more than twenty years living outside the UK, I’ve become convinced that one of the biggest benefits of moving abroad isn’t lower living costs or better weather.
It’s perspective.
Distance has a habit of showing you things that were almost invisible when you were living in the middle of them.
The research points to a cultural shift
Researchers, including Professor Jean Twenge, have spent decades studying narcissistic traits across different generations. Their work suggests that measures of narcissism increased significantly over several decades, alongside a growing emphasis on individual achievement, self-promotion and external validation.
Social media didn’t create this trend, but it certainly accelerated it.
For the first time, millions of people began measuring their lives through followers, likes and carefully curated versions of success.
Why this affects so many men after retirement
Many men spent forty years building careers, climbing corporate ladders and providing for their families.
There’s nothing wrong with that.
The problem comes when your entire sense of value depends on your job title, income or social status.
Retirement then becomes more than leaving work. It can feel as though you’ve lost your identity.
I’ve met plenty of men who planned carefully for the financial side of retirement but never considered the psychological transition that comes with it.
Living abroad changes your perspective
One thing I’ve noticed throughout Southeast Asia is that people often place greater importance on family, friendships and community than professional status.
That doesn’t mean these societies are perfect. Every culture has its strengths and weaknesses.
What it does mean is that many retirees discover they no longer feel under constant pressure to prove themselves. They become known as people rather than job titles.
For many, that’s surprisingly liberating.
Ask yourself three honest questions
If you’re approaching retirement or already living overseas, spend a little time reflecting on these questions:
- How much of your working life was driven by what you genuinely wanted?
- How much of your anxiety came from comparing yourself with other people?
- If nobody else’s opinion mattered, what would your ideal life actually look like?
Those answers often reveal more than another financial plan ever will.
Building a life that fits you
Retirement and relocation create an opportunity to reset your priorities.
You may discover that experiences matter more than possessions. That meaningful friendships matter more than status. That freedom comes from having fewer expectations to live up to, not more.
Those aren’t lessons you have to learn by moving abroad.
But for many of us, stepping outside the culture we grew up in makes them much easier to see.
Watch the full video
In the accompanying video, I explore the psychological research behind narcissism, why status anxiety affects so many men after fifty, and how living overseas helped me rethink what success actually means.
If you’re considering retirement abroad or simply questioning what comes next in life, I think you’ll find it a worthwhile conversation.
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